Waiting

I wrote this 2-3 years ago, and found it sitting on my old blog. I cant believe how creative I was while I was so emotionally unstable/depressed. (sorry about the real bad grammar and spelling mistakes >.<)

I waited for you, like I do every day, I knew you’d show.

I waited for you today, like I do every day. You are always there, such a person to make my heart beat. I waited and I could see you walking down the street towards me. The sky above was clear and blue, rays of light where shinnying off your hair. When you saw id spotted you, you would smile a wicked grin I loved so much and so I would run to you. I would always run to you. Catching me in your arms we would twirl around and our lips would meet when we were done spinning. It was such a good day. Sitting down on the grass, id curl up against you, and shut my eyes wishing this would last forever.

Nothing last forever...

I waited for you today, like I do every day. I don’t know why I wait and I know I should leave this place already. But on the good days, when the sun shines through the grey clouds and there silver lining is shinnying strong I can imagine the warm of the rays on my face, rosying my cheeks, like it was before. Some days I think I can really feel it, and it bring a smile to my lips and I don’t have to think about anything else except that feeling. But as I waited for you today, it wasn’t good day to be had. The clouds were nasty and dark with the wind whipping around, truth be told I think it scared me some. But still I stood there, looking into the sky, willing it to be different, imagining it was a good day. 

But you didn’t show...

I waited for you today, like I do every day, but today it was different. The sky cracked thunder and lightning struck the ground. I was sick of trying to feel, sick of this emptiness I felt. I was enraged. I stood there with my arms crossed, for hours on end still waiting. I screamed with the thunder, shouting your name, trying to get you to hear me. My hands were balled into fists, I could feel my nails pierce the skin on the palm of my hand and start to bleed. But it did not hurt. What hurt was the pain in my chest, my heart beating with so much rage. I wanted to smash things, to scream things, to claw at my own self for being so stupid

But still you didn’t show...

I waited for you today, like I have done every day, because it’s how pathetic I am. It never stopped raining the whole time I was there, I was soaked through to the skin. You took my heart because I let you, and you tore it to shreds. Leaving each bit in a shadow of your own footprint. A trail I sadly followed, to try put myself back together. But I couldn’t find it all. Will you ever give the missing pieces back?

I stood in my spot as the sky fell down and tears were all I had left to feel.

I didn’t want to feel anymore.

 I knew you would never show...

...~I didn’t wait for you today~...